THE MAMACITAS
Gisset - Let Me Re-Introduce Myself by Sharing my Fears
What is your biggest fear Mamacita? What keeps you up at night? These days, as a Mamacita, it's hard not to worry about things happening in the world. The ever-growing climate crisis, war, pandemics, inflation, violence, and the list goes on. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed or worried about what the future holds for our children. I've learned that sometimes if we are brave enough to share our feelings with others, we find that we are not alone. This month, I decided it was time to reintroduce myself in the most vulnerable way - by sharing the truth about my biggest fears and worries.
As we step into spring, a time when so many of us cleanse our homes from our unwanted material possessions, it might also be good to put in the work to clean out our thoughts. My name is Gisset, and I am a Mamacita of two, a Commercial Real Estate Professional, a Makeup Artist, and Founder of Working Mamacitas. I'd like to thank you for your support and for allowing me and past Mamacitas to share our authentic stories.
IN HER OWN WORDS
By my culture's standards, I became a Mamacita later in age compared to other women in my family and friends. I had built a life I loved way before holding a baby in my arms. When my husband and I did take that step, I didn't adapt to motherhood as quickly as other Mamacitas I knew. I would spend my days learning to be a mother wishing I could return to my previous life. That life where I could pick up and go and not worry about packing a stroller, diaper bag, a breast pump, milk, etc. My husband was traveling a lot for work, and I would spend many days and nights alone with my baby and my thoughts. The feeling of loneliness, breastfeeding issues, sleep deprivation, and postpartum depression took the best of me, and I struggled for months. Also, being so career-oriented, the transition was challenging. My life came to a complete standstill in an instant. I was so used to participating in networking events and being involved in professional organizations that I had to put it on hold indefinitely. I felt guilty because I was supposed to be in baby bliss, yet I couldn't help but wonder if my professional life would ever be the same now that I was a Mamacita. Eventually, things got more manageable, and I fell in love with the new version of me - personally and professionally.
I learned that becoming a Mamacita came with a load of worries. It didn't help that I was always a bit of an anxious person. When I was a little girl, I would worry if my parents were a little late to pick us up from school or if my mom took longer than usual to get home from work. I remember standing in front of the window, hoping her car would pull into the driveway soon. I don't know if my newfound worries were due to becoming a Mamacita at the age of 37; I was a lot wiser and more aware of the world than in my early 20s. I asked myself many questions, "When my daughter is 20, I will be 57. Am I still going to be healthy enough to keep up with my children? What's life going to be like for my kids in 20 years? Will they still have the same natural resources I had while growing up? What about the climate crisis? Will there be catastrophic weather events my kids will have to live through?" These were things that kept me up at night for a while, and sometimes if I allow my thoughts to go there, they still do.
Lately, I've had some fears related to health which probably intensified while living through a pandemic the last two years. My trauma is due to my parents having cancer, and I received the news for both. I can go back to the day when my dad had a colonoscopy. The hospital called to say that someone had to pick him up because the doctor wanted to talk to us. I knew this couldn't be good news. When I arrived at the hospital, my dad sat in the waiting area. The doctor told us they had found a tumor in my dad's colon. My dad and I sat there in shock; after what seemed like a lifetime, I looked over at my dad, his skin was pale, and I asked him, "Papi, entendiste lo que te dijo el doctor?" His reaction made me weep like a baby. A lovely nurse came over to console me and tell me that everything would be okay. My dad would be in great hands, and he would make it through this. He did, and he has been in remission for over five years now.
My Mamacita had gone in for a routine mammogram. She had skipped a year because sometimes our parents are stubborn, and they seem to forget to have their regular yearly check-ups. They called her back in because they found something and wanted to perform an ultrasound. I remember the day my Mamacita called me crying because they wanted to biopsy what they saw during her ultrasound. I was touring an organization interested in leasing office space at one of the commercial buildings I managed. I remember how one of their executives disliked one of the suite's features, and I was doing my best to sell the dream of that space when I got my Mamacita's call. I excused myself for a moment, and when I answered, I heard her cry, she was convinced what the doctors found was something bad. As composed as I could be, I tried to calm her down and told her things would be okay. At that moment, all I wanted to do was rush to my Mamacitas side to console her. Instead, I had to walk back into this office, entirely composed, and sell the dream to this group. The saying, "you never know what someone is going through," was so accurate at that moment. This executive continued to complain about what she believed she envisioned for that space. Although it was so insignificant at that moment, I followed along as if nothing was happening. Inside, I was numb and wondered what was next for my Mamacita.
The results from her biopsy weren't expected for at least a week. The next day, while on a phone appointment with her primary doctor, my Mamacita gave the doctor permission to speak with me since I was her translator. As we talked about my Mamacita's tests, the doctor noticed her biopsy results were available. As she checked the results, I sat there with anticipation, praying that it was nothing bad. All of a sudden, the doctor says, "malignant." She then realized what she had done and apologized for giving me the news so abruptly. I sat there numb once again, wondering how I would turn around, face my parents and break the news that it was cancer. The doctor was encouraging and assured me that my Mamacita would be okay. My Mamacita insisted I tell her what the doctor said when I hung up. With built-up courage, I turned around and gave her the news she never wanted to hear. We all cried together. My Mamacita went through surgery and treatment with her family by her side. She has been in remission for three years now.
As Mamacitas, we carry so much on our shoulders. Even though my parents were dealing with health issues (at different times), I was still a Mamacita and a working professional. My life continued, and I had to learn how to navigate fulfilling the needs of my own family, my parents’, and my jobs. At times this was very difficult. I feel lucky to work with organizations that believe our families come first. This allowed me to be available and be at every appointment, surgery, follow-ups, etc. for both of my parents. I continue to have the flexibility to tend to my children’s need during work hours if I have to.
After my parent's health issues, I developed this trauma and fear about my own health. I would never want my kids to get this type of news about their parents. Since then, I have vouched to do what I can control to ensure this doesn't happen. I am conscious of what I put on and in my body (and my kids), the products we use at home, exercise regularly, and stay on top of my medical check-ups. I also know that what I feed my mind is just as essential. I have made mental healing a priority by meditating, journaling, listening to podcasts, and reading books that focus on Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I practice mindfulness as much as I can because right now, in the present moment, we are in perfect health. I've also learned that you have to face your fears to heal from them. Sharing this story with you is facing my fears. I never wanted to share what haunted me with others because I believed people would think I was crazy. The more I share or listen when other Mamacitas speak, the more I learn that we all have the same or similar fears and worries. So here's to healing Mamacitas. May our faith be bigger than our fears, and as my Mamacita always says, "No te preocupes Mija, todo va a estar bien."
For all the Mamacitas out there – Mamacitahood is so hard; anyone who says otherwise is lying. On days when you feel like throwing in the towel, pick up the phone and call another Mamacita willing to listen and share her own fears with you. Sometimes, we need a good vent session and a change in perspective. You can also visit this blog to re-read the incredible stories of other Mamacitas as a reminder that we are not alone.
As you can see, I am another fierce Mamacita who, even though I'm here to spread love, joy, and wisdom, I also navigate fears and worries that at times ripple my day. If you have these days like I do, I will remind you to pause and take a breath. We will never be able to control the future, what we can control is how we choose to live in the present moment.
Remember Mamacita, you've got this!
Xoxo – G
