Beatriz - On IVF and Finding Purpose In Foster Parenthood
Every woman has her own story as we travel through the journey of Mamacitahood. No handbook will assure us whether our journey will be easy, difficult, traditional, or non-traditional. One thing is for sure; once we step into the role, our hearts burst with love for our babies, no matter how they entered into our lives. Our July Mamacita Beatriz's journey will leave you inspired because not only did she welcome her biological son via IVF, but she also opened up her home to babies whose circumstances led them to the foster system.
As we have officially made it past the halfway mark of a year, we welcomed with hope; we highlight the story of a Mamacita whose goal is to one day complete her family by adopting one of the foster babies she lovingly cares for. Beatriz is a Mamacita of two and a Blind Rehab Outpatient Specialist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Child Development with a minor in Psychology and a Master of Arts from Cal State Los Angeles. Working Mamacitas, thanks you, Beatriz, for your grace and for allowing us to share your heartening story.
IN HER OWN WORDS - as narrated to Gisset
When I first got married, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have children. It wasn't until my younger sister had a baby that I started to yearn for one. When I talked to my husband about it, he was all in and we started to try. We tried for over a year but couldn't get pregnant. At that point, we decided it was time to talk to our doctors in the hopes that they would give us answers. We discovered my husband carried a gene that was preventing me from getting pregnant. The doctor ran a few tests and advised us that if I carried the same gene, we would never be able to conceive a baby. This news weighed heavy on my heart for a long time until my sister suggested we get a second opinion. It was then where I started to open myself up to the possibility of becoming a Mamacita. We spoke to a young doctor who had just finished his residency and began his practice at a fertility clinic. We provide him with all of our previous test results, and he ordered a few more tests of his own. Once all tests were in, he told us he was ready to help us get our family. Hearing those words felt like we just hit the jackpot. We were overwhelmed with joy and decided to go for it.
Soon after, we started the process to conceive via In Vitro Fertilization. This process's mental and physical demands took so much out of me, but once the doctor completed the procedure, I felt so hopeful and envisioned a baby in my arms. As luck would have it, the first round of IVF did not take. For the next year, I spent my days depressed, mourning what could have been my future life. I was too afraid to try the process a second time and talked myself into believing that maybe this was just not meant to be. The following year, one of my co-workers had started to learn about Buddhism and invited me to listen in. With an open mind, I listened and learned how to chant and meditate. Learning to chant helped clear my mind of the negativity and emotional fear I was still carrying. Once I let go of that fear, I decided I wanted to try again. My husband and I started our fertility journey a second time. The doctors were able to get four healthy embryos, of which, three were implanted. One of the embryos successfully implanted into my uterus, and nine months later, I became a Mamacita to a beautiful boy.
We were incredibly grateful for our son's existence through the years and enjoyed being a family of three. But as time went by, we wanted to give him a sibling. When my son was about three, we decided to go back to our doctor and go through the process one last time. These treatments took a toll physically and emotionally, and I told myself that if an embryo didn't take, I would not put myself through that again. Unfortunately, the treatment was not a success; having gone through this process three times, I thought I would be okay emotional if I didn't become pregnant, but I was wrong. Depression consumed me, and had to give myself the necessary time to grieve. When certain things don't work out, I firmly believe it is because a greater purpose lies ahead, and I felt at peace with the outcome of the last treatment.
Over the years, I was happy and content, but when I got close to turning 40, I started to feel this was not it for me. I yearned and wished for a bigger family, and in 2018, our family decided to complete the process to foster a child. We attended a few orientations through non-profit organizations, and they didn't sugarcoat anything. This journey didn't seem easy and sounded like it would be full of emotional ups and downs. After leaving one of the orientations, with excitement, my husband said he was all in, and so was I. We spent the next year going through the courses, getting our home ready, and rigorous interviews to become eligible to foster. Once we completed the requirements, we were assigned with a social worker who matched us with a child.
In December 2018, we got a call for a boy; we will call him Baby K. That was the beginning of our foster-to-adopt family story. Having him join our family was a blessing; we fell in love with him instantly and cared for him as if he was our own. But after having Baby K for just six months, he was reunified with his birth family. Although emotionally challenging, our family decided to get back on the list. In July 2019, we got a call for a girl, Baby L. Baby L was incredible, and during the time she was with our family, we taught her so much and showed her so much love. She was with us for a year and a half, but unfortunately, in January 2021, we got the call that she would be reunified with her birth mother. Heartbreak followed, not only for my husband, son, and I but for the rest of our family members who helped us care for Baby L. After about two months of going through the emotions of physical loss, we decided not to give up and get back on the list. On Easter Sunday, we got a call for another girl, Baby J. Baby J has been with our family since April 5th and is now three months old. As with our two other children, we don't know what Baby J's destiny will be. We hope she will stay with us forever but what we've learned in this process is that there is a lot of agonizing uncertainty. Whatever the outcome is for Baby J, we will love and care for her while she’s in our home.
Our family's goal is to adopt. We knew this would be a very challenging journey, and although we have had three beautiful beings and have physically lost two of them, our family has not given up. My son, who is now nine years old, has been our lead. We did not move forward in the process until his thoughts and heart have healed from the physical loss of Baby K and Baby L. He has been the one to tell my husband and me, "I am ready to do this again; I want to have a brother or sister." I admire him because he understands what we are doing as a family even though he is only nine years old. He has been adaptable and always willing to share everything with these babies who have come into our lives. We have always explained that we are here to help and love these babies unconditionally now or forever. We are here to provide comfort for them until their mommies or daddies get better, as they are sick at the moment. We ensure him that the right child who needs us the most will stay with our family forever. In my heart, I believe this to be true.
Amid all the emotional uncertainty in my personal life, I have always been a Working Mamacita. Currently, I am a Blind Rehab Outpatient Specialist at the VA Hospital, where I service veterans with visual impairments - covering the entire spectrum from low vision to total blindness. Part of what I do is help veterans adapt to their daily life when they become visually impaired to help them continue their independence. I have been doing this for 16 years now and continue to feel fulfilled to provide direct patient care in the clinic and my community.
For all the Mamacitas out there, you've got this! All is possible when you focus with your heart and a steady prayer. Don't forget that we all have a purpose and mission and only have one life to make it all happen. Remember to stay flexible, expand yourself, practice forgiveness, and fully live with an open heart.
As you can see, Beatriz is an inspiringly fierce Mamacita. She is showing us that a Mamacitas heart is infinite. Join me in sending her and her family best wishes for successful adoption soon.
