Melissa - With Love at the End of the Tunnel
Just as there isn't a parenting handbook, there isn't one for marriage either. Sure many books provide us with insight into how to parent and have healthy marriages, but our journeys are so unique that we learn as we go. Sometimes our journey doesn't end up the way we hoped. Our November Mamacita Melissa has spent the last few years on a journey of self-discovery after her marriage to her children's father fell apart. But eventually, with faith and a lot of prayers, she found that even after a significant heartache, there would still be love waiting at the end of the tunnel.
As we head into the love-filling holiday months, it seems fitting to highlight the story of a Mamacita who found her second chance at love after so much pain. Melissa is a Mamacita of four and a Child Care Provider who runs her own Day Care Center. Melissa has a degree in Child Development and American Sign Language. Working Mamacitas, thanks you, Melissa, for your strength and for allowing us to share your heartwarming story.
IN HER OWN WORDS - as narrated to Gisset
My first husband and I were married for eight years and were together for a total of 15. He was my first love, the father of my children, and who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned and had two beautiful baby boys. When I was pregnant with my first, I was spoiled and didn't have to lift a finger. I was his queen, and he made sure my every need was taken care of. With my second pregnancy, things were dramatically different. The years in-between having children, my marriage took a turn, there was a lot of tension and constant bickering; I no longer felt the love and affection I had previously. There was so much distance between us, but I remained hopeful that this was just a bump in the road and felt optimistic that we would become that tight family unit I fought so hard for once our second baby arrived. Things didn't work out the way I'd hoped.
Within time, I found out my ex-husband was having an affair. He moved out shortly after. In silence, we lived separate lives even though we always showed up as a family to events. I tried to avoid at all costs for others to find out what was going on, plus I didn't want my marriage to crumble. I was determined to make it work. I believed marriage was a lifetime commitment at that time, and I fought hard to force it to work. My ex-husband agreed to attend marriage counseling, and we did for a few months. What I learned in the process is that he had already made his decision and didn't want to stay married. I also realized how dependent I had become on him and didn't believe I could do it on my own. Eventually, I had a radical awakening and found the courage to decide to file for divorce. Not only did my marriage take a turn, but so did my business.
I have been a Child Care Provider for over 12 years and ran a successful pre-school program from my home. When we separated, my husband and I agreed that the best thing was for the kids and me to stay in our home. That home not only was my boys' haven, it was also my bread and butter; I didn't want to lose everything I worked so hard for because my marriage was falling apart. Eventually, my ex-husband wanted to put restrictions on us and believed he was entitled to his share because he worked as much as I did to build our family's foundation. I grew tired of his demands. Eventually, I agreed to sell our home. I was so full of pride that I didn't realize the difficulty this would create. When we sold our house, I lost my business. My kids and I moved with my parents for a short time, and I attempted to run my daycare from their home. Thankfully, I still had some parents who kept their children with me. When my parent's landlord found out I was running my program from their home, I was asked to shut it down. I was again left trying to figure out how to put food on the table for my kids and me. My ex-husband's parents wanted to help, and they allowed me to run my child care center from the campus of their church, and I did for almost a year, but eventually, that didn't work out, and I was once again left scrambling to find a location for my center. It took time, but with many sacrifices, I moved into a house, got re-licensed, and opened for business again.
Financially I struggled those first few years. Without any income, it was hard to settle into a place. Since my ex-husband and I agreed to share custody of the boys, I spent my time alone looking for ways to make money. I started to drive for Door Dash, started selling customized shirts, tutus, and baked sweets. Each month, I would set a goal on how much money I needed to pay the bills and worked towards it. Although this was never an option I imagined myself pursuing; I humbled myself to seek government assistance; I went to food banks and shopped at the 99 Cents Store to feed my children. Since I was limited in money to buy the boys whatever they wanted, I came up with ideas to do things on a budget. One of the best places we discovered was a $2 movie theater. We spent a lot of time there, and the boys had so much fun. As time went by, I was able to walk away from all of my side hustles to focus on my child care center full-time. Although it is not yet where it used to be, my learning center is on its way to becoming a place where parents can bring their early-aged children to learn, play, and thrive.
When the transition first took place, I didn't think of how this would affect all of us, especially my oldest son. He was five years old when his father left home, and with all the changes that followed, I searched for a therapist to help my son. Instead, the therapist recommended that I talk to him because my sons needed a healthy Mamacita. Therapy was my best medicine. My therapist helped me discover who Melissa was and helped me answer hard questions about myself. My entire life, I struggled with setting boundaries and speaking up for myself; therapy helped me unravel this roadblock and made it easier to move forward. I became a stronger and more grounded Mamacita who could guide her boys through this challenging time in their lives. I did my best to keep normalcy in their lives even when their time was split between two parents.
Eventually, I felt ready to start dating again. While dating, I learned what mistakes I didn't want to make and what I was unwilling to allow in life. The first couple of relationships I had didn't work out, and just when I least expected it in the most unlike Melissa way, I met a special someone on a dating app. All it took was a simple swipe to the right, and we had an instant connection. We talked for some time before we made a date to meet in person. Our first date was at a place called Billy Beez, a play center for children. Everything about our "meet-cute" was non-traditional. We didn't go on our first date to have a candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant; we went to Billy Beez with our kids. He has two daughters, and I have two sons that are around the same age. When our kids met, they all hit it off.
We spent that entire day talking, eating, laughing, and playing. It was an instant connection, not just for the two of us but also for our children. As we got to know each other, we learned that we had a similar journey from our past relationships, which helped us understand each other more. We discovered that we had the same interests, enjoyed doing the same things, and were both family-oriented. We began to date soon after we met and became inseparable. After dating for over a year, he proposed, and recently we were married. I can't express how happy I feel in my life right now and can't believe I met and married my best friend. Everything about this relationship is different from the first, and although nothing great is easy, I feel I have learned enough not to make the same mistakes again. I prayed so hard for this man, and I thank God for him every single day. From one day to the next, my family doubled in size. I not only have two handsome sons, but now I have two beautiful stepdaughters that I love so much. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that a failed marriage I was determined to make work would lead me to where I am today. I am a reminder that there is always an opportunity for a second chance at love.
For all the Mamacitas out there - even when your experiences bring you to the floor, don't stay there too long. Get up, dust off, and walk with your head held high. Never forget that you are worthy of happiness and everything your heart desires.
As you can see, Melissa is a fierce Mamacita. She is showing us that the sun will always shine brightly after any storm. Would you please help me send her the best wishes and a lifetime of marital bliss?
Xoxo - G
