Anxiety
LMFT, Rojelio Olmedo once said to me, "Today is the future you've been worried about for so long." ANX-I-E-TY (noun) - distress of uneasiness of the mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune.
Anxiety has been something I have dealt with most of my life - the severity of it fluctuates depending on the time. For example, I was a bit more anxious when I was in my preteens then in my 20's and early 30’s. Once I became a Mamacita, my anxiety hit record highs and felt like endless tidal waves crashing with significant force. Whether it was a fever, a fall, or even a negative thought, anything related to my kids would make me anxious. What’s funny is that what I feared or worried about never happened. I know I'm not the only Mamacita who carries this burden on her shoulders, and believe we should normalize this conversation to remind us that we are not alone.
I experienced my first anxiety attack a few years ago, right after we purchased our current home. We had just moved in and were planning major home renovations. One evening when we met with the contractor to discuss the kitchen remodel (including knocking down several walls), I had to step out of the room because I started to panic. I had never felt this before, I couldn't breathe, and my heart started to palpitate. I imagined everything go wrong and worried that our home would come crumbling down once the walls were knocked out. It was catastrophizing at its finest. Once I got control of my breath, I was able to get through it. Since then, I can feel when a panic attack is coming and have learned to control my thoughts and breathe them out. After all that panic and fear, my home stayed in tact and turned out beautifully. Oh, anxiety - how dare you take over my thoughts!
Even after that episode, I didn't think of getting professional help. I had nothing against therapy; I knew I would benefit from it; I just never bothered to do the research. Last year, as this pandemic ravaged through our lives, including our minds, I started to feel more anxious. During the months I worked from home, I spent most of my days taking deep breaths to calm all the emotional junk that took over my mind. One day, after finding out my family kept important matters from me because they knew I would worry or get anxious, I decided it was time to seek professional help. Through my employer's EAP program, I found my therapist and have been visiting her regularly ever since. She has helped me discover the root cause of my anxiety and has taught me how to work through my episodes. I've learned that healing is a daily practice and a lifelong commitment. Unfortunately, even when we are putting in the work, there could be days where we succumb to old habits. Oh, anxiety - I am learning to get you out of my thoughts!
Recently, on an ordinary Saturday, things were flowing much like they always do. I fed my kids, cleaned up the kitchen, and then sat down to scroll through social media. I was watching Instagram Stories when I came across an Influencer who was sharing a recent experience she had while on a walk with her kids. She mentioned how a man pulled up next to them and gave her the impression that his motives were not good. At that time, I had seen a lot of footage on social media about child abductions taking place in California, and listening to her story paralyzed my mind. I spent the rest of the day thinking about her experience and cried because I imagined it happening to us. It was awful. Fear consumed me and I stopped going on walks with my kids, taking them to stores, and going on runs by myself for months. My therapist helped me come to terms with this fear. I knew in order to heal from this, I had to face my fears and eventually started to do the things I used to. I am more aware of my surroundings now and am less distracted especially when the kids are with me, but I refuse to give in to fear. Now, if I come across something on social media that I know will alter my thoughts, I keep scrolling and ignore it. Doing this, has helped a lot. Oh, anxiety - you will not take over my thoughts!
My mom, sisters, and I have this thing we do when negativity is trying to make its way into our minds - we snap our fingers three times and say, "CANCELA, CANCELA, CANCELA." It is our reminder to snap out of it. This has been the best remedy because every time we do it, we laugh and things just feel better. Life will always throw punches, some worse than others; but this life, our only life, is meant to be lived. Every day we can make a choice to live free of worry. Put yourself first Mamacita before your worries or fears make you physically sick. Remember to always put your mask on first. Do what you need to seek help before you end up in a dark place, not from the dangers of the world but from the battles of your minds.
Oh, anxiety - one day my mind will be free of your thoughts!
Below are a few things I’ve implemented towards my healing.
YouTube is a great resource to find videos to help with anxiety. I usually search for 5-minute meditations and listen to them in the morning to get my day started on a positive note. My therapist constantly sends me videos to watch that help my mental health. Here’s a few I’ve been listening to lately.
The Anxiety Guy - many great videos on this subject.
Live Awake-Choosing Harmony - this is a great one to listen to because it discusses how stress or fear can affect your overall health and make you physically sick.
Yoga has helped my overall mental and personal health.
Exercise / Running helps clear my mind and eliminate all the toxic mental waste I am carrying around.
Daily Affirmations - Everyday I thank the universe that my children and I are safe and healthy.
You deserve to live free of negativity and be at peace with your thoughts. You’ve got this Mamacita!
Xoxo - G
