Lisette - Social Advocate and The Rainbow After Loss
LISETTE - Social Advocate and The Rainbow After Loss
Making the decision to have children comes with a long list of fears and doubts, constantly questioning if we will be a good Mamacita or if we are in a good place financially to take the leap. Seldom, does the question, “Will I miscarry?” cross our mind. Although, this thought didn’t cross our December Mamacita’s mind, it was something she had to confront multiple times. To call her resilient is an understatement because even though she experienced this unbearable grief more than once, she never lost hope of becoming a Mamacita.
Lisette is a Mamacita of three, a Program Deputy for the City of LA, and an advocate for social rights. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from UC Berkeley and a double Master’s in Urban Planning and Latin American Studies from UCLA. As we step into the last month of the year and reflect on how we’ve been affected by its uncertainty, we share this story of loss (something we hear so little about) as a reminder that hope is on its way to help us start a new year. Working Mamacitas thanks you, Lisette, for your bravery and for allowing us to share your extraordinary story.
IN HER OWN WORDS - as narrated to Gisset
I married my husband in my early 20’s, and at that time, my view on motherhood was simple; I would get married, get pregnant and have kids. Unfortunately, for me, I discovered it was a bit more complicated than that. I did get pregnant not long after we were married, but about seven weeks into my pregnancy, I started to experience sharp cramping in my stomach and excessive bleeding. Upon arriving to the hospital, the doctors confirmed what we were hoping was not so - I had miscarried. Although I was encased in grief, I believed it wasn’t our time and remained hopeful that becoming a Mamacita was in my future.
We took a few years to enjoy each others company and focus on our education before deciding to give baby planning another try. Seven years after our first experience with loss, we tried again and were pregnant soon after. The excitement about having a baby was more intense because we were sure it was the right time. As luck would have it, this was once again not in our cards because I miscarried at eight weeks of pregnancy. The grief that followed didn’t get any easier and this time, it included anger, shame and confusion. I remained hopeful, even while going through the process of healing from a second loss. Once it was safe to try again, we did and I became pregnant, only to experience loss for the third time at 12 weeks of pregnancy. During that time, I would ask myself, what is wrong with me? Am I broken? Why has my body failed and not do what it’s supposed to? Family and cultural expectations started to weigh heavy and I wondered if others thought that my husband had married someone who couldn’t give him children. The pressure was overwhelming.
My marriage took an emotional toll while I was having miscarriages. Although, I knew my husband was empathetic to my pain, we were both grieving loss. We found it hard to look beyond our grief to be there for one another. At times, because I was physically going through the miscarriage, I prioritized my grief over his. Since it was happening to me, I didn’t think we had both lost something. These life experiences forever changed my perspective on motherhood, my relationship with God and my marriage. I learned to look beyond the human experience and trust that God’s timing is perfect. I let go of expectations for myself and my marriage and accepted what was yet to come without ever feeling hopeless.
God’s timing was perfect. Three months after I suffered the third miscarriage, I became pregnant with our daughter. A beautiful little girl was born at full term and within a year our second daughter brought an additional layer of joy to our lives. Although, I was grateful and felt so blessed to experience life as a Mamacita, having two, one year apart was chaos. I set high expectations for myself and no matter how much effort I put into it, I still felt hopeless. I put a pause on friendships and relationships because I was so consumed by the girls’ needs that I forgot to fill my own. It wasn’t until my youngest (at that time) was three years old that I started to feel like myself again and life with two became enjoyable. The girls were everything I ever hoped for. They were kind, compassionate and best friends. Life was great but somehow I couldn’t shrug off the desire to have a third baby, one for each of the three little souls we had lost. After 10 years, we decided to try and welcomed another beautiful girl into our family. She was everything I yearned for and finally felt my family was complete.
In the midst of the chaos of raising children, I was always a Working Mamacita. I built a career as an advocate to improve the quality of life for all Angelenos (including economic development), working with diverse and immigrant communities, and increasing participation in civic life. Currently, I am a Program Deputy for the City of LA. In my role, I lead Social Responsibility initiatives, which allow me to work on the programs and policies that create contracting opportunities for small businesses, and connect local residents to jobs. My career has allowed me to pay it forward and empower others, including women. It is because of other women of color, that I have a seat at the table and am an active participant in important conversations. Every step forward in my career has brought me closer to my ultimate destination.
For all the Mamacitas out there, although motherhood is difficult, rewarding, exhausting and a fulfilling journey, just know that you are enough. Let go and let God, be kind to yourself and create your village. Allow yourself to be loved and supported.
If you are a Mamacita who finds herself experiencing loss, make the space for each of the feelings you are feeling whether it is shame, frustration, sadness, etc. If the space is not there, make sure you make and honor it. Allow and know that whatever is happening in your life will show you where you are supposed to go. And remind yourself that no matter what is happening, you are where you are supposed to be.
As you can see, Lisette is yet another fierce Mamacita. She is showing us that there are rainbows who will shine brightly after the storms. She has three who never stop beaming.
Xoxo - G
